Penny Arcade Adventures: Man to God Discussion

Penny Arcade Adventures: Man to God Discussion

            Tycho Erasmus Brache, last scion of the Brache clan, a family/cult that sought to bring the end of all things: the Apocalypse, could not help but notice the irony of his current predicament. His body had been taken over by the essence of an ancient, primordial, and incredibly insidious deity: Yog Ur, God of Narration, a god Tycho and his companions, who were presently occupied with fighting his possessed corpus, had vowed to destroy. For with the destruction Yog Ur, the last of the Elder Gods that had created the universe, would herald the end of the current universe…

            And the beginning of a new universe, a universe based on Tycho’s own niece, Anne Claire Forthwith, a genius of such goodness and purity that any universe based on her would undoubtedly be worth existing. But that new universe cannot be birthed until the old one ends, and that can not happen until Yog Ur dies.

            Which is what makes Tycho’s current situation so perturbing: The only way to kill the god was to kill Tycho, while Tycho had to endure the god’s presence within his mind. Within his mind, the deity had taken the form of Tycho’s own father, a man who Tycho had not spoken with in years, and certainly did not feel like speaking with now. However, while its form was that of Tycho’s father, its voice was all its own, “Are we having fun? Well, you won’t be soon; once I’m finished killing your companions, I’ll crush your pathetic excuse for a mind and smash your so called wonder niece to pieces, then the peace and quiet I’ve oh so longed for shall finally be within my grasp! I think the first thing I’ll do is: go windsurfing. …Weather permitting of course.”

            “You think so,” Tycho began, defiance oozing from his words like an overflowing drain, “Sincerest apologizes for putting a damper on your recreational arrangements, but I have most terrible news: you shan’t succeed. My associates will not hold back from attacking just because you’ve commandeered my corporeal vessel! In fact, given some of the predicaments I’ve unfortunately been forced to cohere them into participating in, you may have only further incentivized them to destroy you.”

            “Big, flowery words, my unwitting pawn and accomplice, and that is all they are: words, empty and meaningless. You should know by now that your actions, along with those of your clan, were all masterminded by myself. Even your so-called one-man heretical splinter plan was but something I planted in the dismal soil of your sorry excuse for a subconscious. Why struggle? Why rebel? Why fight when you now know that you never stood a chance from the very beginning? Your story is at an end, and it is sadly of the shaggy dog variety… which, now that I think about, would still be the case even if your ridiculous scheme had somehow managed to succeed.”

            “Oh spare me your rambling, you self-absorbed egomaniac. Do not pretend that your plan was prefect or flawless. If such had been the case you never would have felt the need to insert zim into our lives. No, your plans, like those made by us mere mortals, are entirely capable of unraveling and coming apart. In fact, it is my personal theory that a plan’s probability of failure is proportional to its level of complexity; and I can’t think of a plan more complex then yours.

            “Oh, I’m sorry, were you saying something?” Yog Ur asked with the tone of an absentminded professor who had just realized it was ten minutes after he was suppose to start teaching, “I couldn’t hear that last part over the sounds of me crushing your allies monsters with your body. And… speaking of our mutual acquaintance, why did you imprison zim in the Periphery with Anne Claire? I only ask now because you won’t be much for conversation in a few moments.”

            Hearing this question, Tycho smiled, an act that even the eldritch abomination of a god before him found profoundly disturbing. For you see, Tycho had never smiled, not once in his entire life. Oh, he’d smirked, he’d snickered, and he’d even once half smiled with great confidence, but he had never truly smiled. Sadly however, the Brahe Clan were never not meant to smile, their faces were wholly unsuited for such an expression and in fact made it look disturbed and unsettlingly. Soon however, Tycho’s face changed back to a confident smirk before declaring, “You’ve lost the battle, Yog Ur. By asking me that question you’ve proven that my plan is mine and mine alone and not some fabrication you implanted into my mind. However, I will be polite and indulge your curiosity. It’s simply really, I needed someone who could help Anne-Claire, who could protect her, and give her a familiar face in the new universe she’ll be creating. For you see, my niece is not without her flaws, flaws our mutual friend will be more then able to cover, thanks to the chaotic energies of endless possibilities that make up zir body. My niece will create a world that is orderly, stable, structured, and secure, while ze will ensure that it is able to grow, change, and evolve. I really should thank you, before ze appeared I had no idea how I was going to complete my plan.” As the god stared at him, eyes burning with a rage equal to the heat of a thousand tire fires, Tycho added, “Also, I kind of owe zim three houses and some gardening tools. With interest, I figure, making zim the god of a new universe would make us even.”

            Enraged, like a snarling crazed weasel trapped in a musty box left to rot in an Albuquerque donut shop, Yog Ur bellowed, “Do not presume you’ve won yeeeeeeeeeeeeettttttttttttttt-“

            Sadly, the rest of the god’s threat was cut off by Tycho’s mind rumbling like a message chair in an earthquake. “Judging by this,” Tycho analyzed, “I’d say my associates have inflicted enough damage to loosen the strangle hold you have on my mind… at least, enough that I can temporarily regain control. So, if you will excuse me, I need to go make some amends and then ask them to kill me.”

            “Do you really think they have the stomach to do that? To take your life and theirs in the process?”